Wednesday 11 October 2017

FATHERS : REMEMBER WHEN DADS LOOKED LIKE DADS , BEFORE THE CARDIGAN MARKET CRASHED !

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When i was a kid , my dad was the oldest man alive. He was that monsterous age of 30 when he took delivery me with a little help from me mam !....When i was 10 , he was 40....And still alive at that incredible age. It seems very strange now , i'm 57 not becoming a dad until i was in the last flagging days of my 30's. The daughter thinks i'm a miserable old fart ,but as to wether she thinks of me as the oldest miserable fart in the world i don't know, but i wouldn't be suprised.

In the old days couples fell in love and 'courted!'....After a long time their engagement followed by years of innocent romance then marriage and eventually the happy couple would have the post marriage 'filling of the boots' and eventually the kids'd start tumbling out. 

In them far flung innocent times dads were a lot older and looked it and wore ties around the house, as well as puffing on ciggies as they slobbed on the couch puffing on their fags in cardigan n' slippers. Then in years later they'd evolve into grandads often swapping the ciggies for a constantly smoking pipe. My dad never got to that stage ,as after a brief sojurn at her Majesty's pleasure in Strangeways Prison in Manchester he started smoking 'Rollies'...Whereas ciggies ,smouldered ,rollies fizzled like fuse wire, ash tumbling onto his lap as he frantically rolled the next one. They used to say 'Rollies' were made from dog shit n' bus tickets !.....There was a bloody good reason for that !

The years passed on and the young lovers got younger and the period of courting got shorter and dissappeared as the 'filling of the boots ' phase came around much earlier and marriages had to be hurriedly arranged before the 'signs' of the forthcoming sprog became too apparent and shame was averted. Later in the marital evolution , the birth was before the wedding , couples getting younger and younger. Now the parents are about the age of what would've been an elder brother or sister.

When we were kids we were never in the house and dads were kept from daughters ,girl problems , but were given responsibility for the boys , who are just trouble. Dads were wise and knew everything as i wasn't bothered about learning and knowledge as i just wanted to be outside running around the streets.

When we got into trouble ,i'd get a good smack off me 'awl fellah!'...Didn't bother me and i looked foreward to the day when i'd have darling kids of my own i could kick the living daylight out of ,but we live in enlightened times and we're not allowed to raise our hands....Life can be so unfair!

Nowadays the computer generation is upon us and my generation have been left way behind by our housebound computer game ,playing ,texting kids. My daughter thinks i'm a brainless turd . If i ask her to give me a hand ,you can hear the sighs, tsks ,and various respiratory sounds of impatience , like the boiler of an average steam locomotive....This combined with almost impossible rolling of bulging eyeballs....Dads are firmly in their place . In our house it was ...
1) The Dog
2)the kid
3)the missus...
...........
............
.............
.............
4) Dad

Nowadays trendy young dads are equally gened up on computers and social media ,etc. In shopping malls families aren't a couple with screaming kids , but all quiet as they mooch around all texting, so all is peace n' quiet. So daddy isn't important at all, just supplying new computer games when needed. They look smart n' trendy with tight fitting jeans and trainers ,n' footy shirt. 

The days of proper dads and dads looking like proper dads may have changed with the changing social climate and the crash in the cardigan market, but one thing that never changes is mums n' wives get something special ,kids get their ,once upon a time toys, but all soft wear now ,but dads still get the SOCKS, SHIRTS N' AFTER SHAVE ..All the time ! ,

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